Crazy Little Thing Called Love
by ohhblainers
Summary: Blaine was very famous, very hot and very into Kurt. Kurt was having none of it.
1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderson was famous. He was a stud muffin and he knew it.

Kurt Hummel was one sassy piece of ass and he rocked that. Hardcore.

This is the story of how they met.

This is not a 'boy meets boy, they fall in love and make gaybies' story.


	2. Chapter 2

"Blaine, you absolute idiot! Get your ass out of that bathroom before I drag you out by your ears!" Wes, Blaine's best friend, screamed from the other side of the door separating Blaine and Wes' dorm room and their bathroom. "Just because your famous doesn't mean I won't hesitate to hurt you!"

"Wes, come on. Let's not resort to violence. It's completely unnecessary."

Wes was having none of it.

"You know what's unnecessary? The hour and a half you spent in the bathroom this morning gelling your hair. It's ridiculous. How can you even spend that long on it?"

Blaine was trying his hardest to stifle his giggles but the sight of Wes when he gets angry was one to behold. His eyes went all wide and dilated, his cheeks became beet red and he pulled at his hair making it spike at all weird and douchey-looking angles.

Blaine failed in quashing his laughter.

"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine," Wes whined, "why do you always laugh when I'm telling you off? You're such a bad friend. And," he checked the time, "you have precisely five minutes to be at main reception to meet the new kid."

"Shit shit shit shit! I completely forgot!" His hands flew to his hair, "I didn't even gel my hair in the nicest way! No! Do you think I have time?"

Wes replied by pushing Blaine out the door with probably a bit more force than necessary.

* * *

><p>As Blaine made his way to main reception at a bit of an accelerated pace (aka he ran), not only did he notice the way his usually immaculately gelled hair was slowly ridding itself of its binds by gel, but he reflected on how he got to the point where he was the one who had to be the super sexy tour guide to the newbies.<p>

It all started when he was fourteen. He'd always loved to sing, he used to belt out some serious Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne, but he'd never been that interested in acting until the opportunity came up for a show called 'Jenson High'. It was like a cheap knockoff of 'Saved By The Bell'.

Little did Blaine know that he'd soon be cast as the lead character, the hot jock, Aaron and that Jenson High would become one of the most watched television shows in America.

Blaine can no longer go anywhere without being stalked like prey. It's kind of depressing but what are you going to do? He wouldn't give up his fame for anything… because _fame is everything_. As long as he's famous he doesn't need anything else.

Or so he thought before he met Kurt Hummel.

* * *

><p>Kurt sits in the car with his dad, fixing his already immaculate hair.<p>

"Kurt."

"Yeah, I'm coming, Dad! Give me two seconds!"

"We've been in here for half an hour."

"Oh."

And with that, Kurt hopped out of the car with one final spritz of hairspray to keep his perfectly coifed hair from coming undone. He stood up straight and tall (after all, perfect posture is vital) and marched to the front doors of main reception with Burt trailing behind him.

Kurt wasn't nervous, he doesn't get nervous, or overanalyse everything, or make rash judgements. Nope. Not at all. Not Kurt. He was terrified of how the students of Dalton would treat him and extremely eager to audition for the Warblers. He was a bit too excited to give the New Directions a little "suck me" via song for neglecting him as he was beaten, pushed into lockers, verbally abused and just constantly scared for every second of the day.

He wasn't asking for them to become a C.I.A agency, watching and guarding his every movement, but the occasional "Hey Kurt, are you ok?" would have been lovely. Just to make it seem like they care.

He pushed open the door to the main reception, ready to meet some study obsessed, no friended kid who would show him around. He knew what it was like to be unnoticed and friendless, so he could empathise, but it didn't mean he wanted him to be all nasally and pimply. Yuck. People needed to be properly educated in the skill of proper skin care.

* * *

><p>Blaine couldn't believe how far he'd come; he was proud of himself. It's not every day you go from public school nobody, getting picked on for being a "flaming flamingo" to being one of the most desired teenage actors on television by everyone. He sometimes tired of constantly having to have barriers restricting his every move but with stardom comes restrictions. What can you do?<p>

Finally he made it to the office with, he pulled out his grandfather's pocket watch to check the time, roughly 20 seconds to spare. Yes. Success. He took a deep breath and walked through the door to meet the new probably shy, awkward and nerdy or totally obsessed with him loser.

What he didn't expect was to have the breath knocked out of him.

Sitting in front of Blaine was the most beautiful human being he'd ever laid eyes upon and that was saying something considering that he'd met Johnny Depp.

Flawless couldn't begin to describe this kid, and Blaine hoped with all his will and might and even prayed to the God he would like to believe but seriously doubts exists that this boy was both gay and the one he'd have to show around Dalton.

* * *

><p>Kurt looked up as he heard someone enter the room. He knew this person would be his "tour guide" (for lack of better word) and probably hang around him until he got settled in.<p>

What he didn't expect was for the student to be Blaine fucking Anderson.

* * *

><p>"Ah, Mr Anderson! You've arrived. Fantastic!" said the dean, Dr Newton. "Now, this is Kurt Hummel and you'll be showing him around Dalton, helping him to settle in, find his way around, the usual. I can trust you to take care of him?"<p>

_He doesn't even need to ask, _Blaine thought_, I've done this so many times this is now routine. _

"You can count on me," Blaine instantly switched on his dapper charm, "I'll take real good care of Kurt, here."

"Very well, very well. Well, Mr Hummel, I sincerely hope you find Dalton Academy to your satisfaction. Now if you'll excuse me…" And with that, he swiftly left the room.

* * *

><p>Blaine Anderson never impressed Kurt. Sure, Jenson High was a good enough show. The cast was relatively average. They lacked talent and passion; the talent and passion that Kurt knew with his whole being that he possessed.<p>

It wasn't just that, though. Every interview Kurt had seen Blaine in, he'd been a cocky, arrogant asshole and Kurt was not impressed.

So seeing that Blaine was going to be guiding him around, well, Kurt was thinking that the dorky, acne prone kid sounded pretty good right about now

_Courage courage courage courage, _Blaine repeated the mantra over in his head. He couldn't understand why this boy, who he hadn't even spoken two words to, was making him so nervous and he wasn't sure if he liked it.

"Hi, Kurt. I'm Blaine. Welcome to Dalton!" He went to offer his hand to shake but remembered how sweaty it was and quickly retracted it. _Phew, that could have been awkward, _he thought. "You ready for a tour of this fantastic place? Mainly because I'm attending it," he added with a wink.

Kurt stood up and made the few short steps over to Blaine. Blaine couldn't help but admire the elegance and incredible posture that Kurt had. His hair looked so soft… Blaine just wanted to run his hands through it, but something about Kurt screamed touch me and I'll kick you right in the nads, so he restrained himself.

"I don't like egotistical jerks like you, so leave me alone and I'll make sure you don't feel the wrath that is an annoyed Kurt Hummel. Are we clear?" He didn't give Blaine the chance to answer, instead marching ahead, swaying his hips in a slightly seductive way.

Blaine was pretty sure he was in love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yello! So.. um haven't updated this bad boy in awhile. Life just got in the way, homework, no social life, hopelessly fangirling over much more impressive and creative and just better fan fictions than this, going to Italy. That sort of stuff. So here's a chapter. Enjoy :-)  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Sadly do not own anything. For now. Muahaha.**

* * *

><p>Blaine had to run to catch up with Kurt. <em>Man, my short legs are going to be working overtime running after this hottie, <em>he thought.

"Kurt! Kurt, hey! Wait up!"

Kurt slowed down by the smallest fraction and Blaine had the sneaking suspicion that around Kurt, this would be considered a great victory so he basked in the glory.

"Look, Blaine. I get that you're a big, famous hot shot. I really do. I just don't like you. I think you're an arrogant, cocky bastard who probably toots then boots more guys than he can even count up to."

"Ouch, kitten's got claws! Reow," Blaine thought this was a pretty funny comment, if he's being honest with himself.

Blaine was wrong, _very _wrong.

Kurt swung around, "what did you say?" His voice was soft but sharp as ice, his eyes narrowed. "If you ever make one more comment like.." he seemed to struggle for the right words, "..that, then I will go out of my way to make sure that you don't sleep without one eye being open at all times."

A shiver ran up Blaine's spine, he wasn't sure if it was from his hormones (c'mon, he was a teenage boy. Who doesn't love a dominant man?) or fear of Kurt. Most likely a weird mixture of both.

Kurt appeared to smell his fear and seemed satisfied with himself. He continued walking and Blaine couldn't stop his eyes slowly travelling south until they landed on Kurt's behind.

_Damn, I could get used to this._

* * *

><p>Kurt was feeling confident. He'd just, pretty sufficiently, shut down Blaine Anderson and was clearly on a power high, stalking in front of Blaine.<p>

The only problem? He had no flipping idea where he was going.

"Are you lost, kitten?"

_Oh, God. Please don't let that be a nickname that sticks.  
><em>

The only acknowledgement Kurt gave was his very best "I-will-cut-you" glare. "Don't call me 'Kitten'."

"Aaaaaaalrighty then, sweet cheeks." Blaine started to whistle an extremely annoying tune that sounded suspiciously like the Teletubbies theme song and in any other circumstances, Kurt would be all up in his grill at this point but he was distracted by a horrible flash back

"_Come on Kurt, sweet cheeks, I know you want it. You practically __**beg **__for it at school and when we're together"  
><em>

"_Stop, please, stop. I don't," he was sobbing at this point. _

_Smack. He had slapped Kurt. _

"_You're going to do what I say. You have no choice. I'm making you do this because I love you." _

_He violently pulled the ropes restraining Kurt's wrists tighter and started to crawl on top of Kurt, already half_ naked….

Kurt was snapped out of the flashback by an incessant and perpetually annoying Blaine Anderson clicking his fingers in front of Kurt's face.

"Earth to Kurt. Kurt. Kurt. Kurt. _Kurtkurtkurtkurtkurtkurt,_" He seemed to realise that Kurt was back on this world and dropped his hand and picked up that smug, 'I'm so (with emphasise on the 'o') much better than you' smirk. "Thought I'd lost you for a minute there."

Kurt only grunted in reply, still too caught up in the memory that he'd thought he'd locked away, never to be revisited again. How long was that night going to plague his memory for? He hoped it wouldn't be long because it'd already infiltrated so much of his life and he wasn't sure how much he could take.

"Blaine. Shut up." He really wasn't in the mood for Blaine's stupid, childish antics right now.

"How about you make me shut up…. with those lips of yours?" he gave a none too subtle wink.

"I hope you know I'm willing to forcefully shove my favourite Alexander McQueen scarf down your throat if it means you won't be incessantly annoying me."

"Let's make a deal. I'll shut up if you go on a date with me" he suggested with a flirtatious eyebrow wiggle.

Kurt groaned. _Those eyebrows are ridiculous. How are they even so triangular? _

This boy was going to be the death of him.

* * *

><p>Blaine didn't know what was happening to him. He was never this much of a frustrating, cocky, asshole.<p>

Since that moment when he'd made eye contact with Kurt his mouth seemed to be acting of its own accord even though everything in his brain was screaming, "_SHUT UP, SHUT UP YOU IDIOT._"

He was acting like the biggest jerk in the world in front of the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen and was probably already feeling something way too strong for so soon after meeting him.

At this point Blaine was thinking that Kurt's Alexander McQueen scarf sounded like a really solid option.

"Hey, Kurt. I'm sorry, I'm acting like a complete loser…" he tried to be as sincere as possible but that was hard when those blue eyes were pretty much penetrating into his soul. He could feel the jerk getting ready to jump out again.

"…But you're totally hot and I want to bone you"

Alexander McQueen scarf, here I come.

* * *

><p>Kurt stood there, gobsmacked. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Was Blaine serious? Kurt didn't know whether to be angry, gladdened, shocked, furious, confused, hurt, cheap… the list went on.<p>

_Who goes around saying those kinds of things? Why is he even saying it to me? _

"Before I do something that, by school rules I'll regret, but for me I'll just feel really proud of myself, I'm going to walk away and ask someone else to show me around and I _never _want to talk to you again."

And with that he stormed off.

In the completely wrong direction.

* * *

><p>Blaine wanted to chase after Kurt, tell him he was so sorry words couldn't even begin to formulate how to express it sufficiently, but that was the problem. He couldn't describe how deeply apologetic he was.<p>

He couldn't believe he'd just said that to Kurt. _Idiot, idiot, idiot. _What was he even thinking? Oh. Right. He wasn't, his dick was.

He sat down on the closest bench and put his head in his hands. He huffed out a breath. He was so humiliated. He just didn't know what had come over him; his usual self was so dapper and composed and something about Kurt just pulled on that little thread commonly known as his sanity and just pulled and ruined it. This was worse than the time when he tried to convince his brother, Cooper, that he was Tinkerbell, stole his mother's favourite, most expensive green dress and jumped out the window because he was under the impression he could fly.

They were home alone at the time so Cooper had to ride Blaine on his bike to the hospital a couple of blocks away while Blaine was still in the green dress. He could still feel the stares piercing him if he tries hard enough.

He ended up having broken his arm and sprained his ankle as well as getting a severe set of smacks from his father.

William Anderson was one scary dude. He would walk into a room and literally radiate power and authority. He was one of Ohio's most renowned lawyers, even more so now because of Blaine's fame.

He was also well known for being an abusive drunk and using much of Blaine's earnings even though he had more than enough of his own.

Blaine had lost count of the amounts of bruises that littered his body that he'd had to cover up with layers upon layers of concealer.

It hurt knowing that one day you were your father's prodigy child; such an academically intelligent, well mannered, charming child, as well as sporty and an amazing performer. William thought he'd struck gold.

Until he realised his "gold" was actually gay.

Blaine came out to his parents towards the end of middle school. There was a new transfer student, Oliver, and he was absolutely _gorgeous _(nothing close to Kurt Hummel standard, though). He was all straight and virtually black long hair, olive coloured skin, big chocolate brown eyes and angular features. He could have been straight out of one of those erotica novels that his mum had piles upon piles of. (He shuddered thinking of her reading one of those books. Gross.) He was forced to tell them the reason why he was in hospital – he was gay.

Oliver and Blaine had been assigned seats next to each other. They began talking; apparently they had a lot in common. Talking in class lead to talking at lunch which lead to studying together which lead to being best friends which lead to Blaine having such strong feelings for Oliver he didn't know what to do.

The kids at school constantly taunted Blaine because he wasn't like the other boys. He never participated during sport activities although he'd always watch the boys play; he loved reading gossip magazines and vogue; he watched musicals; he loved to _sing _and _dance. _

In the eyes of the other children, Blaine Anderson screamed "fag"… so they screamed it at him.

It got to the point where Blaine couldn't go an entire day without being tripped, having his books knocked out of his hands or called 'fag' by the student body. It really pissed him off but Blaine could get over it and move on because he had Oliver by his side, ready to give Blaine that pep up talk he needed.

One evening after school, at Oliver's house, both boys were lounging around just listening to music and talking. All of a sudden Oliver's joking nature turned quite serious.

"Blaine, I need to ask you something,"

"What's up?"

There was no hesitation. Oliver just spat it right out, "are you gay?"

Blaine was shocked; he didn't know what to say. He'd only admitted to himself of his attraction to boys one or two months ago and hadn't said a word to anybody.

He considered lying and accusing Oliver of being ridiculous but there was no point in that; Oliver could read him like a book.

"Yes," well honesty _is _the best policy.

Something that Blaine couldn't quite decipher flashed behind Oliver's eyes but he plastered on, what Blaine now knows, a fake smile and said "Oh cool, me too," he seemed to hesitate a bit after that, but ploughed on. "I was wondering if you would care to accompany me to the Sadie Hawkins dance…"

Blaine was over the moon. He was pretty certain that the sheer brilliance of the grin on his face could blind young children. Oliver seemed to have feelings for Blaine! Woopee!

Until he didn't.

The night of the Sadie Hawkins dance Blaine and Oliver were sitting around talking. Blaine really wanted to dance, he always did, but Oliver refused to.

"I don't want to get beaten up, you know how some people are Blaine. What will they do if they see two guys dancing together?"

_How ironic, _Blaine thought as he looked back on the night.

"Screw what they'll do! It's our dance too and I think we're entitled to, you know, dance!" He tried to pull Oliver onto the dance floor but he wouldn't budge. He kept looking around and said, "I'm going to get some fresh air." Blaine ran after him.

He never noticed a group of boys quickly sneaking outside just before himself and Oliver.

When Blaine finally caught up with Oliver, he noticed him leaning over the rails. His torso was rigid with tension. Blaine tentatively approached and put a hand on Oliver's shoulder. As he did so, Oliver swung around and punched Blaine square in the face.

"Ouch! What the hell, Olly?"

There was an evil glint to Oliver's eyes that Blaine didn't trust. "Did you honestly think that I was some..some.. _fag_?" He spat the word out with disgust. "No, no, no. I'm not like you. I'm not a fairy. But I think you can be fixed. With a little…insistence."

As he said the word, about five other boys slid out from the shadows, all with different levels of excitement painted on their faces.

"Hey, Blaine. Hope you're having a good time," one of the boys said with a kick to Blaine's side. He doubled over in pain.

All of the boys took turns in landing a blow onto Blaine until one of them retreated back into the shadows, only to reappear but this time, with a baseball bat.

By this point, Blaine had lost feeling in his face although he could smell the terrible metallic stench of blood, permeating the late spring air.

The boy with the baseball bat silently handed it over to Oliver, as if he was passing on the Olympic torch.

"Oliver… Olly… no.. please," Blaine begged although his voice was no more than a whisper. No remorse or guilt passed through Oliver's face though; he remained impassive. The last thing Blaine remembers is Oliver swinging his arm and hearing a crack that shattered the stillness of the night before everything went black.

* * *

><p>Kurt realised he'd been wondering around for a good half hour with only a key in his hand and a bag with some stationary. Fabulous. He was considering jumping out a window when he heard the laughter of boys. Yay! Saviours!<p>

As Kurt rounded the corner he found the source of laughter. There were two boys, one extremely fair headed with a Justin Bieber hair cut and a baby face, the other with dark brown hair and a masculine, angular shape to his face. Mr Fair Hair (as Kurt so creatively named him) appeared to be laughing at the fact that Mr Dark Hair had tripped and face planted.

As Kurt continued observing the two, Mr Dark Hair jumped up and tackled Mr Fair Hair to the ground.

_Ugh, boys. Nobody better try do that to me_, Kurt thought. He cleared his throat to alert them to his presence and hopefully get some help to find his room.

"Uh, sorry to, um, interrupt," he started off nervously, scuffing his shoe on the ground. "I'm new here – obviously – and I'm lost and I just really need to know how to get to my room so I, um, yeah.." he trailed off, hopelessly.

The two boys looked at each other as if Christmas just came early.

"FRESH MEAT!" they screamed in unison, jumping up and down, left and right, on and off of each other; every angle, really. Kurt was frightened and automatically tensed himself, preparing for the worst. Mr Dark Hair seemed to notice the change in Kurt's demeanour and softened immediately, aiming a sharp jab of his elbow to Mr Fair Hair's ribs.

"Ow! What was that for you –" he cut off his could have been rant when he saw the expression on Kurt's face. "Zero tolerance bullying policy is a pretty attractive feat of this school, hey?"

Kurt wasn't sure how they knew what he was thinking and anticipating but he was putting it down to witchcraft.

"Yeah, makes me want to squeal."

"So," Mr Dark Hair began, "you were lost? Well, we're your fairy godmothers, here to help you find your way! What room are you in?"

"Room… 121" he recited after quickly scanning his documents.

"Oh! Cool, you're rooming? You've got the best roommate! He's a real cool dude. Be excited."

So of course Kurt was nervous.

"What's your name, newbie?" Mr Fair Hair asked.

"Oh.. uh.. Kurt. Kurt Hummel." He offered a smile.

"Sweet name, dude. I'm Jeff and this goofball here is Nick" said Mr Fair- Jeff.

"Shall we depart to the magical land of Room 121?" Nick gave an eager nod

Both boys linked their arms on either side of Kurt and started galloping off singing 'We're Off To See The Wizard'.

_Three hours at this school and I can already feel a migraine coming on. Good God._


End file.
